slamming doors

I was in my room watching Survivor online and had my ear phones in.  Then I hear a bam and turn to look.
I see the wreath on my door shaking.  My mom apparently slammed my door shut.  It had been open.
What did I do now?  I'm just staying in my room and staying away from her. 

blah

Mom isn't speaking to me.  She has always said that she never played favorites.  But she has.  Always. 
My sister is her favorite.  My brother and his son both got cards and checks on their birthdays.  I know for a fact that my sister and her daughter will get cards and checks on their birthdays.  I got nothing.  No card.  Nothing.  Same thing last year.  I should stop hoping things will change.  I always hope and I always end up getting hurt and disappointed that no one cares enough to even give me a simple card. 
I'm not worth it, I guess.  

Here We Go Again

Okay, so here I go again.  I don't know what happened to my other blog.  But for the 
third time I've had to create a new one.  Hopefully, this one will stay a while.  
We shall see. 

Well, today is my birthday.  No big deal.  At least not to anyone else.  You would think that 
by now I wouldn't set myself up for hurt and disappointment.  But I do.  Every year.  I hope that this
year will be different.  I hope this year someone will care.  But it's same as the year before.
No cards, no gifts.  Nothing.  My mom gives birthday cards to my siblings but not to me. 
She gives birthday presents to my siblings and their kids.  But not to me. 
And every year I am hurt.  It's my fault.  I should know better by now.  I set myself up for it 
every year.  I need to realize that I am not worth a card.  I am not worth a cake.  I am not worth 
anything.  Maybe this is the year it will finally stick.  And next year I won't be hurt.